Day 27

The hospital was weird today.. Megan and my kids were all gone from the 3^rd floor. Sad for us but good because it means that they are healthy. We dropped off diapers to the ICU and one of the babies there that Megan has been visiting has gotten a lot worse. He now had a cast on.. was on oxygen and was gasping for air. It was really sad to see. There were 3 babies in the ICU. We went around the floors asking if they had any kids ‘fara mama’. One one floor they said no and the kissy boy (one who always follows us around but I think he is like 14) insisted that they did and told us to follow him. We did and a mom like.. stood in front of the door saying no. It was just weird. Then on another floor the head nurse said that they did not have any.. another nurse tried to contradict her saying that they did. She got like hushed and then she too shook her head saying no. It was like they were trying to keep a kid from us or something. We found a little girl on the 6^th floor but she was sleeping and so we left a coloring book a starburst and a crayon. The mom in the room was asking us for a toy… we did not know quite what she was asking so we shook our heads and left. I am worried that the mom took the things we left for the girl for her own son. It is why I don’t like leaving diapers because I feel like gypsy moms steal them. This is hard because the orphan kids do not get provided for via the hospitals. We realized that there is an 8^th floor. It is really nice and seems newly renovated (why they didn’t renovate from the bottom up is beyond me). It is the gastronomy floor. The nurse took me to a little baby who was 4 weeks I think. The nurse did not even know the baby’s name. I thought it was a boy until I changed her diaper! Her stomach was very enlarged but her pelvis and legs on the other hand were absolutely tiny. It looked lik she had had surgery of some sort recently because there were three long incision scars that were healing along her middle. She was in a size 4 diaper which came up to her sternum.. basically her entire body was in a diaper. I changed her and put on a two but it still swamped her. I picked her up and started rocking her.. I could not believe how skinny she was. There was another woman in the small room. She was there with her son and her mother.. her mother was like many elderly Romanian women. She donned the floral head scarf, sweater and long skirt with stockings and clog-like shoes. Her face was dark and wrinkled with age. They were staring quite a bit which is uncomfortable with you are only a few feet away but I have gotten a little used to it as people stare like this everywhere. I think the elderly woman was asking if this was my child. I told her I spoke very little Romanian and she looked at me even more strangely as if she did not understand how I could not speak Romanian. She looked at her daughter who asked me where I was from. I said ‘statele unite’ and the elderly woman stared intently. Her daughter then asked if I was a student. I said I was and she asked if I was studying pediatric care… not exactly but she got the jist so I nodded. She turned and explained this to her mom who nodded in comprehension. This woman was so kind and her understanding made my job a lot easier. Explaining why I am here is a little complicated with the language barrier and I get asked it in the hospital like 3 times a day. I gestured towards the baby saying ‘fara mama’ or.. ‘without a mom/ orphan’. The elderly woman crossed herself exclaiming something to the effect of ‘dear god’, came over and touched the babies hand shaking her head. It was such a tender moment. I continued rocking and singing to the baby and could tell that she was hungry. It had been about an hour when the nurse walked in with an apprehensive looking woman. The nurse tried explaining something to me and I think she was saying that this was the baby’s mom. I suddenly felt awkward holding this woman’s child and did not know what to do. I tried handing the baby to the mother but she was not eager to take this child up in her arms. She stared intently at the child and then looked up at me. The other mother in the room walked over and from what I could understand she told the mother that the baby was crying and I held her and she stopped crying. The mother thanked me. I did not really know what to do so I handed her a baby saying ‘nu acum’ explaining that the diaper was for later. I then got my backpack and had to just walk away. I don’t know if the mother was having second thoughts and was visiting the baby.. if she wanted the baby.. if she would just walk away and never look back. It was hard to just leave, not knowing but I will check if the baby is there or if the mom is there tomorrow. Sometimes there is only so much to do and the rest is up to people’s agency and the lord. This little girl will be in my prayers tonight.

sorry I did not mean for this to be so long!